Community > Expressing Doubt

Expressing Doubt

“Doubt and trust are two sides of the same coin. If you feel unable to express doubt to somebody for fear of their disapproval then you do not trust that person. You believe they might harm you, or your reputation in a group, if you weren’t to speak and behave according to their expectations.”

In Evolving Ground (eG) we regard the freedom to express doubt as fundamentally important for honest communication.

Recognize and practice

Recognizing doubt comes before expressing it. You might sense doubt at gut level: “something feels wrong to me” … or you might question conceptually: “this seems inaccurate or false.”

Expressing doubt is not always easy but you can get better at it with practice. We invite you to practice in Evolving Ground gatherings and spaces and posting in the Happy Yogis Discord Server without fear of recrimination or group disapproval.

Cognitive dissonance

The first step is to notice that something is puzzling you. Cognitive dissonance is recognizable as felt unease that “something is wrong here” alongside the words seeming to make sense in and of themselves. “This makes total sense to me (cognitively) and yet… I feel uneasy about something.”

Once you notice a cognitive dissonance, articulate it to yourself. What is the uneasy feeling about? If it could speak, what would that feeling say?

Try starting sentences with some of the following, for fit:

“I don’t like that…”

“I am scared that…”

“What I see happening here is…”

Habitual ways of relating

People pleasing and contentiousness get in the way of expressing doubt.

People pleasing is:

• agreeing by default without thinking things through

• agreeing to appease the other person

• agreeing so as to be liked

Contentiousness is:

• disagreeing by default without thinking things through

• disagreeing for effect

• arguing for its own sake

It’s easy to see how people pleasing gets in the way of authentic expression. If you are used to strategizing for harmonious communication you may ignore or not fully notice a feeling that “something is wrong here.” Or you may be afraid to express the feeling for fear of rocking the boat.

Habitual contentiousness also diverts your attention from what is happening now. You may have cut off your openness and friendliness for fear of being manipulated. If you are used to expressing doubt automatically you may gloss over the nuances between conceptual skepticism and felt unease. Expressing doubt is not a game to see who can win an argument. It represents an honest concern.

Speculation about potential failure modes is also not what we mean by expressing doubt here. This can be a useful exercise, especially when it comes to assessing the limitations of methods and systems. However, habitual speculation can get in the way of noticing and expressing doubt. Criticism as an abstract exercise may deflect from what is relevant and happening now.

Doubt and trust

Doubt and trust are two sides of the same coin. If you feel unable to express doubt to somebody for fear of their disapproval then you do not trust that person. You believe they might harm you, or your reputation in a group, if you weren’t to speak and behave according to their expectations.

When you know you can freely articulate concern without fear of disapproval or group disfavor, then you are in a trusting environment.

Stepping out from your habitual way of relating may be challenging. You may feel unusually vulnerable and open. Knowing that you are in a trusting environment does not make it easy to change your conversational norms but it is a requirement before you can start. Be honest about where you are at. Take as much time as you need and learn from others.

Some helpful phrases are:

“This feels risky for me to say…”

“I tend towards skepticism so I may be missing something…”

“I like a lot of what I’m hearing here but there’s something I find troubling that I can’t put my finger on…”

Authentic expression

Authentic expression comes from the capacity to notice and articulate where you are at in relation to a group process, a personal practice, or a view.

All groups have norms. Finding where you fit well may take some looking around. Notice if you like or dislike an interpersonal dynamic and whether discussing it seems relevant and possible.

All practice methods have an intended function—but that doesn’t always work out. Talking with people who know the practice well can be helpful.

Vajrayana has multiple paths each with their own worldview. Some interpretations are metaphysical, some mystical, some pragmatic. In eG we tend to favor pragmatism over metaphysics but we respect different emphases. Our view could be described as “an uplifting, realistic approach to practice that inspires wonder, appreciation, and awesome activity in the world.”

Openness

If you trust a group environment such that you are willing to express vulnerability and uncertainty then you are right here, participating in relation with the people you are talking with, not hiding yourself. It takes courage and familiarity to do that and it is never expected in eG—though we do say that the extent that you feel you can be honest, raw, and present, whether or not you choose to be so, is a good personal indicator of how much you have come to trust the people you are with.